When someone you care about is in recovery from an eating disorder, it’s natural to want to help, but knowing how can be difficult. Eating disorders are complex, deeply rooted struggles that go far beyond food or appearance. As a therapist who works closely with clients in recovery, I’ve seen firsthand how crucial support from friends and loved ones can be. Done well, your support can help reinforce recovery and rebuild trust in connection. Done carelessly, even well-meaning comments can inadvertently trigger shame or setbacks.
If you're wondering how to be a truly supportive friend, here are some guidelines to keep in mind.
1. Educate Yourself
Start by learning about eating disorders and what recovery actually entails. Eating disorders are not choices, they are serious mental health conditions with physical, emotional, and behavioural dimensions. Recovery isn't linear, and it doesn’t end with weight restoration or the ability to eat certain foods again. Understanding this helps you approach your friend with empathy instead of judgment or oversimplified advice.
Local Ontario resources to explore:
NEDIC (National Eating Disorder Information Centre): Offers information, support, and a toll-free helpline across Canada.
Body Brave: Based in Ontario, this organization offers virtual support programs for individuals and loved ones.
Sheena’s Place: A Toronto-based community mental health charity offering free support groups and workshops (virtual and in-person) for people affected by eating disorders.
2. Avoid Talking About Bodies and Food
Even compliments like “You look healthy” or “I’m so glad you’re eating more” can be triggering. You don’t know how your friend interprets these comments, they might equate “healthy” with “gained weight,” which can activate eating disorder thoughts. These comments are unnecessary and perpetuate the faulty idea that the most important thing about a person is their appearance.
Instead:
Compliment other attributes about them that are not related to their physical appearance. Their kindness, their thoughtfulness, their intellect.
Focus on how they’re feeling, not how they look.
Let them set the tone if they want to talk about food or meals.
3. Respect Their Boundaries
Your friend may not want to talk about their eating disorder, and that’s okay. Or they may want to talk, but not all the time. Respect where they are. Ask open questions like, “Do you feel like talking about how things are going?” rather than pushing them to open up.
Also, avoid becoming their therapist. Your job is not to treat them, it’s to be a steady, non-judgmental presence. If you're concerned, encourage them to reach out to a professional rather than trying to take it all on yourself.
4. Offer Support Around Meals (If Invited)
Meal times can be one of the most stressful parts of recovery. If your friend expresses that they’d like support, offer to sit with them during a meal or create a distraction after eating to help them cope with the anxiety.
Avoid watching what they eat or making comments like:
“Are you sure that’s enough?”
“I could never eat that much!”
“You’re doing so well!”
Instead, try being a calming, normalizing presence. You can say:
“I’m glad we get to enjoy a meal together”
“Want to watch something after?”
Offer distracting conversation, unrelated to food or appearance.
5. Be Patient with Setbacks
Relapsing back into disordered eating habits is not uncommon in eating disorder recovery. Don’t treat it as failure. Instead, show your friend that your care for them isn’t conditional on their progress.
You might say:
“I’m here for you no matter what.”
“You’re not alone in this. We can take things one day at a time.”
“Have you talked to your therapist about how you’re feeling?”
It is likely your friend is already feeling a lot of shame. Scolding or lectures from you will only add to it. Instead, your steady, compassionate presence can help reduce it.
Final Thoughts
Your friend’s recovery journey is theirs alone, but your support can make an enormous difference. By listening without judgment, respecting their autonomy, and showing up consistently, you send a powerful message: You are not alone. You are worthy of care. You matter.
That message - more than any advice- might be exactly what they need to keep going.
If you or a loved one is navigating an eating disorder, I invite you to reach out. You don’t have to do it alone. To learn more about therapy for eating disorders or to schedule a virtual consultation, please contact me using the button below.
About the Author
Dana Etherington is an Occupational Therapist, Psychotherapist and the owner of Cedar Tree Therapy, a psychotherapy practice located in Brooklin, Ontario. Dana uses evidence based treatment modalities to treat anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and eating disorders.