When someone you care about is in recovery from an eating disorder, it’s natural to want to help, but knowing how can be difficult. Eating disorders are complex, deeply rooted struggles that go far beyond food or appearance. As a therapist who works closely with clients in recovery, I’ve seen firsthand how crucial support from friends and loved ones can be. Done well, your support can help reinforce recovery and rebuild trust in connection. Done carelessly, even well-meaning comments can inadvertently trigger shame or setbacks.

If you're wondering how to be a truly supportive friend, here are some guidelines to keep in mind.

1. Educate Yourself

Start by learning about eating disorders and what recovery actually entails. Eating disorders are not choices, they are serious mental health conditions with physical, emotional, and behavioural dimensions. Recovery isn't linear, and it doesn’t end with weight restoration or the ability to eat certain foods again. Understanding this helps you approach your friend with empathy instead of judgment or oversimplified advice.

Local Ontario resources to explore:

NEDIC (National Eating Disorder Information Centre): Offers information, support, and a toll-free helpline across Canada.
Body Brave: Based in Ontario, this organization offers virtual support programs for individuals and loved ones.
Sheena’s Place: A Toronto-based community mental health charity offering free support groups and workshops (virtual and in-person) for people affected by eating disorders.

2. Avoid Talking About Bodies and Food

Even compliments like “You look healthy” or “I’m so glad you’re eating more” can be triggering. You don’t know how your friend interprets these comments, they might equate “healthy” with “gained weight,” which can activate eating disorder thoughts. These comments are unnecessary and perpetuate the faulty idea that the most important thing about a person is their appearance.

Instead:

Compliment other attributes about them that are not related to their physical appearance. Their kindness, their thoughtfulness, their intellect.
Focus on how they’re feeling, not how they look.
Let them set the tone if they want to talk about food or meals.

3. Respect Their Boundaries

Your friend may not want to talk about their eating disorder, and that’s okay. Or they may want to talk, but not all the time. Respect where they are. Ask open questions like, “Do you feel like talking about how things are going?” rather than pushing them to open up.

Also, avoid becoming their therapist. Your job is not to treat them, it’s to be a steady, non-judgmental presence. If you're concerned, encourage them to reach out to a professional rather than trying to take it all on yourself.

4. Offer Support Around Meals (If Invited)

Meal times can be one of the most stressful parts of recovery. If your friend expresses that they’d like support, offer to sit with them during a meal or create a distraction after eating to help them cope with the anxiety.

Avoid watching what they eat or making comments like:

“Are you sure that’s enough?”
“I could never eat that much!”
“You’re doing so well!”

Instead, try being a calming, normalizing presence. You can say:

“I’m glad we get to enjoy a meal together”
“Want to watch something after?”
Offer distracting conversation, unrelated to food or appearance.

5. Be Patient with Setbacks

Relapsing back into disordered eating habits is not uncommon in eating disorder recovery. Don’t treat it as failure. Instead, show your friend that your care for them isn’t conditional on their progress.

You might say:

“I’m here for you no matter what.”
“You’re not alone in this. We can take things one day at a time.”
“Have you talked to your therapist about how you’re feeling?”

It is likely your friend is already feeling a lot of shame. Scolding or lectures from you will only add to it. Instead, your steady, compassionate presence can help reduce it.

Final Thoughts

Your friend’s recovery journey is theirs alone, but your support can make an enormous difference. By listening without judgment, respecting their autonomy, and showing up consistently, you send a powerful message: You are not alone. You are worthy of care. You matter.

That message - more than any advice- might be exactly what they need to keep going.

If you or a loved one is navigating an eating disorder, I invite you to reach out. You don’t have to do it alone. To learn more about therapy for eating disorders or to schedule a virtual consultation, please contact me using the button below.

Book Your Consultation

About the Author

Dana Etherington is an Occupational Therapist, Psychotherapist and the owner of Cedar Tree Therapy, a psychotherapy practice located in Brooklin, Ontario. Dana uses evidence based treatment modalities to treat anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and eating disorders.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that you teen is overly critical of their body, and is making attempts to hide how they look. Bringing up your concerns with your teen’s body image can be a tense topic. This post is aimed at helping parents discuss the challenging topic of body image with their teens. This conversation can be important for all young people who are learning how to love their bodies as they change and grow. It is especially important if you suspect that your teen is struggling with body image and self esteem.

Start the conversation with validation. Create an atmosphere of safety and openness by telling them they are not alone in what they are feeling.

You could say something like:

“ It’s normal to have some bad body image days, some days where you don't feel so comfortable in your body.”

Go on to say:

“It's important that you know that your worth isn’t determined by your appearance. Regardless of how you look, you are still worthy of people’s time, attention and respect. I hear that you would like to have the “perfect” body. What I think you might mean is that you would like to feel comfortable in your body. We can feel comfortable in our bodies regardless of their shape or size. Your body is not something to feel shame or guilt about, your body does so much for you and serves you in so many ways.”

The conversation can be concluded by reinforcing the teen’s own unique qualities and strengths that are not related to appearance.

You can encourage your teen to try out the following practical strategies if they are struggling with body image.

Stop comparing. As hard as it may be, resist the urge to compare yourself to others.
Unfollow social media accounts that lead you to not feel good about your body. Any accounts promoting potentially harmful behaviours or products don't need your attention.

There are some do’s and don’ts for promoting positive body image with our teenage children. As a parent, don’t comment on a stranger's body, your own body or your teen’s body. Even if you are making a compliment, remain neutral about bodies.
Lastly, the most important tip of all — model positive body image. Teens absorb so much about how they feel about their body from how parents feel about theirs. Remove all “diet” language from the family conversations. Modelling acceptance of your own body will help your teen with acceptance of theirs.

Author Bio

Dana Etherington is an Occupational Therapist, Psychotherapist and is the owner of Cedar Tree Therapy. Cedar Tree Therapy is a psychotherapy practice that serves clients 13 and up all across Ontario with anxiety and body image challenges. Dana’s eating disorder experience comes from working in adolescent residential eating disorders treatment centres.

How to Help A Friend In Eating Disorder Recovery