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When Thoughts Feel Like Threats: Understanding Intrusive Thoughts

In our practice, we often meet people who’ve been carrying a secret fear for a long time, one they rarely speak aloud. It usually begins with a question:

“Why would I think something like that?”

Maybe you’ve had a sudden image flash through your mind. Maybe something violent, inappropriate, or completely unlike you. Or maybe a disturbing question loops through your thoughts all day, no matter how hard you try to stop it. These aren’t signs you’re broken. They’re called intrusive thoughts, and they’re more common, and more treatable than most people realize.

This post explores what intrusive thoughts are, why they happen, how they show up in real life, and how Cedar Tree Therapy helps clients regain peace of mind.

What Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted mental events: images, ideas, impulses, or doubts that feel jarring and uncomfortable. They show up suddenly, often at the worst times, and tend to focus on taboo or fear-inducing themes. What makes them especially upsetting is that they seem to contradict your values or identity.

Examples Include:

  • “What if I swerve my car into traffic?”

  • “What if I touched something toxic and didn’t realize it?”

  • “What if I accidentally harmed someone?”

  • “Do I really love my partner, or is something wrong with me?”

  • “What if I’m secretly a bad person?”

These thoughts can feel so out-of-place and intense that people begin questioning their character, morality, or mental stability.

Important Note: Everyone has random thoughts, but for people with OCD or anxiety disorders, these thoughts become distressing obsessions. The brain reacts as though the thought itself is a threat.

Why Are Intrusive Thoughts So Disturbing?

Let’s be clear: intrusive thoughts don’t feel random. They feel dangerous, personal, and urgent. This is where the obsessive-compulsive cycle can take hold.

How It Typically Plays Out:

  1. An intrusive thought occurs: “What if I just screamed in this quiet room?”

  2. You feel anxiety, guilt, or shame: “What’s wrong with me?”

  3. You try to make the thought go away: by checking, avoiding, praying, confessing, or mentally analyzing, engaging in compulsions

  4. Temporary relief … until the thought returns

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This pattern is exhausting and can make a person feel like they’re constantly at war with their own mind. The real problem isn’t the thought itself, it’s the meaning the brain assigns to it and the desperate effort to make it go away.

Common Themes of Intrusive Thoughts

At Cedar Tree Therapy, we help people work through all kinds of intrusive thought content. While no two experiences are exactly alike, here are some of the most common themes:

1. Harm OCD

  • Fears about accidentally or intentionally harming someone

  • E.g., “What if I dropped my baby?” or “What if I stabbed someone?”

2. Sexual Intrusive Thoughts

  • Disturbing sexual images or fears related to taboo topics

  • These thoughts are particularly shame-inducing but don’t reflect desires

3. Religious or Moral OCD (Scrupulosity)

  • Obsessions about sinning, being impure, or violating moral rules

4. Contamination OCD

  • Fears of germs, illness, or spreading harm through touch or presence

5. Relationship OCD (ROCD)

  • Endless doubt about whether you're in the "right" relationship

6. Existential OCD

  • Obsessive questioning about life, reality, consciousness, or death

Why Do Intrusive Thoughts Happen?

Intrusive thoughts are a byproduct of a high-functioning, threat-sensitive brain. The human brain constantly scans for danger and sometimes, especially in people with OCD or high anxiety, it over-fires.

  • For example: A parent with strong moral values imagines harming their child and feels horrified. Their anxiety goes up, and their brain mistakenly assumes the thought itself is dangerous.

  • Result: They avoid being alone with the child, seek reassurance, or mentally review every interaction—just to feel safe.

This reinforces the idea that the thought was dangerous and should be avoided, thus keeping the cycle going.

The Role of Shame

One of the most painful aspects of intrusive thoughts is the isolation they cause. People don’t talk about them, not even with close friends or partners because they’re afraid they’ll be misunderstood.

At Cedar Tree Therapy, we emphasize this truth with our clients:

Intrusive thoughts show you your values—not your desires.

OCD loves to latch onto the things that you value the most. Of course you would want to protect what you value and experience fear, anxiety and distress if those things are threatened by your thoughts. You’re not broken. You’re someone with a brain that’s reacting to stress or trauma.

What Helps: How We Treat Intrusive Thoughts

1. ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention)

ERP is the gold-standard treatment for OCD and intrusive thoughts. In ERP, you practice allowing the thoughts to exist without doing the usual rituals (checking, avoiding, seeking reassurance). ERP is highly structured, and at Cedar Tree Therapy, we deliver it gently, with your full collaboration and consent.

2. Mindfulness and Acceptance-Based Approaches

Mindfulness helps you observe thoughts like passing weather, not personal attacks. Instead of “fixing” every thought, you practice saying:

“There’s that thought again. I don’t have to do anything about it.”

This takes practice, but over time it builds cognitive flexibility—the ability to stay grounded, even when the mind gets loud.

3. Trauma-Informed Care

For clients with past trauma, intrusive thoughts can carry an even heavier emotional load. Our therapists are trained to spot trauma-related patterns and work at a pace that feels safe, respectful, and empowering.

4. Self-Compassion Work

Shame feeds the OCD cycle. Self-compassion helps unwind it. You’ll learn to talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend in the same situation.

How to Talk About Intrusive Thoughts (Without Fueling Them)

Talking about intrusive thoughts can help—but how you talk about them matters. If you’re constantly seeking reassurance from friends, partners, or Google, you might unintentionally be reinforcing the OCD cycle.

Instead, focus on:

  • Naming the thought (“This is an intrusive thought”)

  • Noticing the urge to check or neutralize

  • Practicing gentle redirection (“I'm choosing not to feed this loop today”)

Building a Safe Container for Healing

Therapy is about more than tools—it’s about relationship. At Cedar Tree Therapy, we don’t just give you coping strategies; we provide a safe, grounded space to explore what these thoughts mean to you, how they’ve impacted your life, and how you want to move forward.

We use a collaborative, non-pathologizing approach. You’ll never be rushed. You’ll never be shamed. You’ll always be treated as the expert on your own experience.

Frequently Asked Questions

Are intrusive thoughts normal?

Yes. Nearly everyone has intrusive thoughts. But for those with OCD or anxiety disorders, they become sticky and distressing.

Do intrusive thoughts mean I want to act on them?

No. In fact, the more distressed you are by a thought, the less likely you are to act on it.

Can therapy really help?

Absolutely. With proper support, clients can reduce the power of intrusive thoughts, develop a healthier relationship with their mind, and regain control of their lives.

Final Words

You are not your thoughts.
You are not alone.
And healing is possible.

If intrusive thoughts have been running your life, it might be time to take back the reins with support that feels steady, respectful, and rooted in understanding. Whether you’re looking for ERP, trauma-informed therapy, or simply someone who gets it, we’re here for you.

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When Mother’s Day Isn’t Simple: Holding Space for All Experiences

Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate the nurturing, strength, and love that mothers bring into the world. For many, it’s a day of gratitude, and celebration. However, it is important to recognize that this day may bring about a complex mix of emotions for others. Some may feel joy and appreciation, while others may experience grief, pain, longing, or unresolved feelings regarding their relationships with their mothers or their role as mothers themselves.

For some, Mother’s Day can highlight feelings of loss—whether through the absence of a mother, difficult relationships, or unmet expectations. It’s a day that can amplify feelings of loneliness or sadness, or maybe as a longing for the connection with your mother that you had always hoped for.

We hold space for all of these experiences and encourage individuals to honour their feelings, whatever they may be. Connecting with one’s inner self and understanding your personal narratives can help in managing the array of feelings that may surface. We are here to guide you through the emotional landscape this day may provoke, allowing for a deep exploration of both the joys and challenges of mother-child relationships.

For Those Who Are Mothers

We see the emotional labor, the invisible mental load, and the deep desire to show up for your children—while often working through your own healing. Whether you're parenting while managing anxiety, navigating eating disorder recovery, or trying to parent differently than you were parented, you are doing brave work.

On this day you might be trying to hide your disappointment from feeling let down by your family or partner for not celebrating and acknowledging you in a way that makes you feel appreciated. Or maybe you’re dealing with the guilt of wanting your gift this Mother’s Day to spend time away from your family. We all need to re-fill our cup up sometimes. We see you in the parenting trenches raising the next generation.

For Those Who Lost a Mother

Grief can feel especially raw around Mother’s Day. Whether your mother passed recently or many years ago, your pain and complicated emotions are valid. You're not alone in missing her presence or thinking of what was left unsaid.

For Those With Complicated Mother Relationships

If your relationship with your mother was hurtful, distant, or traumatic, today might be triggering. Mother’s Day often idealizes parenting—but we honor your experience too. You deserve compassion as you sort through these wounds and find your path forward.

For Those Longing to Become Mothers

This day can be particularly challenging for individuals and couples navigating the complexities of infertility or grieving the loss of a pregnancy or child. The emotional weight of longing for a child can be overwhelming, often accompanied by a mix of sadness and frustration. Each holiday that passes is another holiday where you thought you would be pregnant. Or maybe you find yourself imaging what this day would be like with the child that you lost.

Allowing yourself to grieve, to feel the weight of longing, and to express frustration can be a healing and validating step in the process. We see your pain and understand the complexity of your emotions, reminding you that you are not alone on this path.

To The Step Mothers

On this Mother’s Day, we also want to recognize stepmothers—those who step into a child’s life with care, patience, and often without clear recognition. Being a stepmother can mean navigating complex dynamics, blurred boundaries, and emotional history, all while offering support and love. It’s a role often lived in the in-between—not quite “mom,” but deeply invested in the well-being of the children in your care. Whether you’ve raised them from a young age or are still finding your place in their lives, your presence matters. Your efforts to build trust and connection, even when it’s hard or unreciprocated, reflect a profound form of emotional labor. We see you, and we honor the resilience, grace, and courage you bring to this role.

To the Divorced Mothers

To all the mothers navigating life after divorce, we see your strength. Parenting through and after separation often brings emotional challenges—grief, guilt, loneliness, or the stress of co-parenting dynamics. You may be carrying more than your share, emotionally and practically, while still trying to show up with love and presence for your children. This Mother’s Day, we want to acknowledge the resilience it takes to hold both your own healing and your child’s needs at the same time. Your efforts may go unseen, but they are deeply impactful. You are doing incredibly hard and meaningful work—and it deserves to be honored.

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We HolD All the Stories

No matter what Mother’s Day means to you, your feelings are important, and worth exploring. Therapy can be a safe space to unpack these emotions and make sense of the role motherhood plays—or has played—in your life.

Today, we honour the complexity of motherhood.

We honour those who mother others.
We honour those healing from the pain of their own mothers.
We honour mothers in recovery, and those raising children while breaking cycles.
We honour your strength, your softness, your survival.

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About the Author

Dana Etherington is an Occupational Therapist, Psychotherapist and the owner of Cedar Tree Therapy, a psychotherapy practice located in Brooklin, Ontario. Dana uses evidence based treatment modalities to treat anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), disordered eating and complex family relationships.